It is Sunday the 29th, in the year 2008 and at this time it is 8:30 p.m

    A couple of years ago, I would be in church right now, cleaning up the chairs or saying goodbyes and hugging

random kids, that I had probably only met twice in my entire life. : / I would be in that place right now cause, I was

a leader of things, I wasnt thee leader, but I was someone known to be differen't, someone known to care enough

to sit awile and talk, even if it cost me, even if I was scared to death. Someone known to call upon God for help, when things got rough and the

answers weren't with me. I was there cause, I knew I had to, not because I wanted to. Kid's scare the heck out

of me, but I knew, that it was, what I was supposed to do. I was supposed to reflect the living God and be

humble by serving, but what happens when, the reflection is no more and you could swear your just reflecting you?

What is left when sin covers the mirror and you can't see the light anymore?

I miss those kids, I miss serving, I miss being so scared, that I couldnt sleep the night before teaching, but then

finding peace in the comfort of my Lord. I miss admitting my weaknesses and God giving me more of Him.

I find my self at a stall, and I completely deserve it.

It is season that drives us, just like the winds that run across this earth.

Change is what moves us, God's Hope is a change in a what would usually be stagnant world, with change comes

Hurricanes, rain, summer, fall, winter, spring! I just hope that I continue to change and the wind Never ceases.

God use me to move and Father again and again your will be done, I have some many fruitless desires for my

future, take control and make it summer once more! man... just torn... ahh But God is good none the less however

how much my heart longs for something... God again your will not mine.- Joshua

The curse of a given freedom.

             At this very moment, I'm having difficulty with how I relate to tasks and jobs that need to get done.

         I feel as if I have no relation with the two. I'm sleepy, lazy, and seemingly uneducated in the ways of

completing something, at its due date. This is no news to me, I've known for years yet it seems the dawn has

approached and come into full view. Where I find, I have a great deal of knowledge, yet a great deal of

displeasure for moving about and using it.

         I'm not stupid by any means or am I? I have the resources and skills to accomplish any task I put my hands

to. Not to sound as I'm better then anyone but to sound, as If I am over equipped to do, what people in poorer

circumstances could do; by breaking into a hard earned sweat. Theres a verse in the Bible that speaks of "talents"

and in a way seizing the day to prove Thyself. I believe in this with almost all my heart. It is that " almost" that 

rips at me and should alert me that a problem has occured.

"I could have accomplished so much, in so little time, yet I have found rest in rest and peace in distractions, that

further nothing of my days nor decrease them in length, but OH, how they hinder them in quality and helpfulness to

my fellow man that God created"  

             The Bible speaks of this in a way, dealing with the knowledge of God. James 1: ²³Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror ²⁴and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like.

           - Joshua.

come and go and some stay

                            It's so funny to me how necessary it is to have a friend or someone to just call and have a great understood conversation with, yet sad as this is I feel i have lost a large deal of these special people, this lesson was relearned again this night from talking to a friend, they have all come and gone. I am so amazed though at one thing in life and thats how much lessons keep coming back to us. A habit of God's I think, teaching